on heartbreak

Today i felt the weight of the world tumble onto my shoulders as i received a call informing me that my sweet Grandfather had passed away. I knew it was coming, he has been very ill, mentally & physically for some time, but it still threw me. he's gone, really gone.

I've only felt the pain of death once before in my life, it was the early nineties when my great Granny Smith died. Yes, like the apple, only she was sweeter. She was a wonderful, loving woman. Yet, I was so young that i really couldn't quite grasp it all... death. I cried, knowing i would never see her again. I was genuinely sad. i remember sitting there timidly in my red, blue, and gold dress clenching my mom's hand as tears rolled down her face at her service. I think that upset me more than anything, knowing how hurt my mom was losing her grandmother. That was so long ago. i didn't even attend the burial service because the family thought my brother & I were too young, now I'm older but still feeling like a sad little terrified girl. I'm not ready to see him like that.... I've gone twenty-six years & havenever seen a dead body. Can't believe ill be seeing my grandfather first.

A few weeks ago i went to Virginia with my family to see my Grandpa. It was terrible, seeing him laying there pale, and frail, with looks of confusion clouding his eyes. That's hardly the man i knew as Grandpa. He was strong, with a deep tan, that came from many hours spent outside working. He built everything he had with his own blood, sweat & strength. He grew up a country boy, stole a beautiful woman's heart when she was just a teenager, married her & built (literally built) a home for them & the five children they would have together. I have only pleasant, very happy memories of him. He was such a loving man.

Today the world we lost a wonderful man. Rest in peace grandpa, I love you.

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